Me - Unfiltered

My Playground

2009-09-18T03:42:00.000-07:00

Here's to say goodbye to all the unwanted drama in my life ;)

My Playground

Enjoy!

Life is not that bad after all

2009-07-11T03:09:00.000-07:00

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't just because you can.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Kiss slowly.
Forgive quickly.
God never said life would be easy.
He just promised it would be worth it.

Got this from a colleague of mine yesterday and I'm loving it ;)

And yea, life is not that bad after all.

That empty phase

2009-07-08T02:21:00.000-07:00

It'll be less than a month before I start my new job. So it's what people would call it as my "honeymoon" phase in the current agency that I'm working with now. With the event that I was suppose to work on being postponed to a later date, I really got nothing to do in the office now. Oh well.

That aside, after all the drama with the relationship-that-was-not-meant-to-be, I'm starting to move on now. Slowly, but surely. And I'm very sure that he's doing fine too. Well at least, that's what it shows on his Fb profile. "There was a third party involved in your previous relationship. But don't worry, it's all over now. Really over," according to the tarrot card reader few days ago when she read about my love life.

And I believe her.

Oh well. Life goes on.

Okay I really need to start exercising soon before I turn into a couchy potato.

Chicken balls with Evon at the side

2009-07-05T04:37:00.000-07:00

Hah. That's not really what I'm going to ramble about now (I'm actually having fried chicken balls at Bistro 69 with my ex-colleague Evon as we speak).

This particular entry is about him. Yea him---the one I thought who got away. It was like three years ago, no hang on, I think it was exactly on Nov 28, in 2005 that I made an entry on my blog about how I've moved on from him. And today, I am doing it again. Yea I'm not proud of myself. Because it shows how I've repeated the same mistake over and over again. And the worse part of it is, I did not learn a thing from what happened in the past. Hence, the repetition. Why didn't I? I dunno. So yea, here I am today. Regret? Yea a little bit. Angry? Hell yea. At myself mostly. I'm angry because I was the third person in the relationship again. And I pity his girlfriend (and his ex-girlfriend back in three years ago). And I believe in Karma---somehow or rather. Oh well.

What's done is done. It can't be mended. Regardless. We had something going on. But that's about it. Ego took place in everything. It's just a relationship that's never meant to be. We always, always, met at the wrong side of the stick. So yea. Leave it be.

Blah.

It is done.

2009-06-30T01:45:00.000-07:00

It took six sheets of paper printed out before I could get it right. Yea, my resignation letter. Guess I just wanted to make sure that the letter was professionally written---and not emotionally.

Ah well.

Signed. Sealed. And to be delivered by tomorrow.

10 things

2009-06-28T23:17:00.000-07:00

The list of things that somehow or rather affected my life as of late:

1. MJ died :'(
2. Spent my last Friday night with Mr. I and he's now back to his work and alot of travelling again (yea like alot). To date, I still don't know where we stand.
3. I'm over that someone. Like really over him. I mean why would I be bothered to cling to someone who's attached (who's stuck in a LDR to be specific) and simultaneously (and consistently) treated me like his emotional cushion? So yea, I'm over it. Go nurse your I-just-want-to-be-comforted-when-my-girlfriend-is-not-around-sad-ass somewhere else.
4. I'm back to my just-me state. Alone, but I'm somewhat relieved.
5. Made friend with my ex again (in KK, of all places). Crossing my fingers tightly so I'd get my iPhones soon *winks*
6. I'm working on a music project with a good girlfriend of mine. July 31. Can't wait ;)
7. It's going to be my last month with Crush.
8. And I'm working on my last assignment here *mixedfeelings*
9. I can't wait for Mr. A to come to KL in July.
10. Actually, both Mr. I and Mr. A are coming down to KL in July *gasps*

Yea, that's pretty much summed it all.

Me singing, ~~so, so what, I'm still a rockstar!

This too will pass

2009-06-24T23:02:00.000-07:00

Groggy, grumpy, woozy, sluggish, dazed.

And all of the above.

I'm sleepy. At work and sleepy. Yea, what's new. It's been like this since...three months ago? Can't recall. I still have one assignment to complete before I can really bid adios to this current agency that I'm attached with. Honestly, I can't wait to leave. But I'm not really the half-way type of person. I've already step my foot in the project from the beginning, and so I shall complete the course. Yea, I take commitments and responsibilities seriously. But that aside, I am desperately ready to leave---okay let's not even go there.

Hmmm I'm still sleepy.

And no, it has nothing to do with you---it's just me. Fickle.

Home not-so-sweet home???

2009-06-18T04:24:00.000-07:00

Three more days to go and I'll be back to life again---to the reality to be more precisely. It's not that I'm counting the days before I leave KK, it's just that I really feel I can't stay too long in KK anymore. Sad. I used to love this place so much. But a lot of things have changed around here. The town is getting congested everyday (for no reason. Or I suppose they really need to build more parking spaces around town so it won't be too crowded with cars), the people are getting slower and slower everyday (generally---and it has always been like this as far as I could recall, but it's just getting from bad to worst) and the quality of services around here remain status quo (e.g. I was at one of this famous "suppose to be" five star resort to meet a friend today, and while I was walking to the main lobby, I was being orally harrased by the maintanance people while they were working---that just turned me off like big time!). Talk about lack of work etiquette. Narsh.

So yea, but I can only grunt and complain. It takes a whole lot more than just bitching to fix things around here. But yea, do they care? No.

It's annoying. Sad and annoying. Sigh.

Him---And it'll always be him.

2009-06-17T03:12:00.000-07:00

He regretted.

He compares me with his new girlfriend every second---"Clarissa will never do this, Clarissa has never done that, etc."

He has not moved on moved on after all.

He wants me to be happy.

He realized he was treating me wrong the last time.

And most of all, after being with someone else but not me, he realized no one could love him better than I do.

He sighs every second now.

He's definitely not happy.

He has changed.

He's not that jolliest person I've ever known before.

He's just so different now.

He thinks before he utter any word to me.

He thinks before he reacts to the things that I say.

He notices me.

He completes me---or maybe used to.

He's my ex-boyfriend---today.

And I'm overwhelmed.

*He: Someone whom I so thought I was going to say "I do" to. And so I thought.

C: What do you think would happen if we didn't break things up last year?
J: *Clears throat* We'll be married by now.

So what's this with men and their a-little-too-late act?

I am still overwhelmed.

When one door closes, there's always the back door

2009-06-08T22:44:00.000-07:00

Or maybe the chimney---too bad our houses are all chimney-less though.

So I got the job (just can't stop smiling from one ear to the other now). Let's see how the detailed offer would be. Will get back on this one---soonest.

Meanwhile, I'm in love. So what if we're not meant to be with each other---I'd still love him. And I'm not expecting anything out of it. I'm just loving this feeling---and am embracing it tightly.

He makes me feel like dancing. It's euphoric.

Guess the push-and-pull state is not a bad thing after all.

Ah it's that issue about work again!

2009-06-05T01:55:00.000-07:00

I was once a very motivated employee in the agency. Asked any question, I would be able to answer them or at least will do my own private research until I found the answer. I picked things up very fast and I radiated positive energy to every one around me---including the tea lady. Multi-tasking was never really an issue to me and I'd drive around to meet Clients everyday or even just to do any errand although it's not mine to worry about. The people at work were like family to me. I was happy.

That was then.

Now, I'm just one of the furniture in the office---whether or not I'm an attractive one, that is not for me to judge (well do I sound like I care now?). I spend my work hours on the Net---making sure my Facebook profile is updated every minute, I Twit randomly every second and heck, I blog. These are the kinda things which I have refrained myself from doing when I was motivated at work. But that is no longer the case here.

I love my job. I still do. But nothing inspires me anymore. I see people left the agency---and perhaps most of them are those who used to drive me; inspired me. I thought I could pass on their passion to my juniors---or so I thought. I was a well-trained blind, who tried to lead the blinds without any proper (or professional) guidance. Sigh. Yea maybe I didn't try enough. But hey, I just don't see the point of trying anymore. I mean like, who cares about things around here? Bitching about own team mates are far more important and "exciting" things to do than doing something worthwhile---like actually, work.

Yea somehow the newbies have inculcated the "bitching" culture in the office. Everyone bitches here---the Finance peeps bitch about the Managers, the Managers bitch about the Executives, the Executives bitch about the Creative team, heck everyone bitches about the GM! Now, I'm not claiming that I'm a Saint---I do bitch. Like alot. But I don't bitch about my colleagues with the Clients. That's like a big NO-NO. But yea, it happens here. And the sucky part about it? Everyone seems to be okay with it. It's supposed to be part of the "PR" initiatives---And so they say. I majored in Public Relations before, and I've never learnt that bitching-about-your -colleagues-to-the-Clients will help in the growth of the agency. Or maybe it's just one of the subjects that you'd learn outside the classroom.

Or maybe you're not suppose to do that. Ethically.

Dangs.

Yea I'm helpless. I need a fresh environment. Like a good friend used to tell me "If you don't like where you are, move along. You're not a tree." Hence, that's exactly I'm going to do if not sooner, the soonest.

I can't stand spending most of my hours of the day with people who bitches 24/7.

I'm not inspired by the "talk-too-much-but-never-do-anything-about-things" management.

My somewhat comfort and happy zone has been violated.

I just want to leave already.

Hang on, I AM already leaving...

Sometimes when you see nothing, you see everything.

2009-05-29T02:06:00.000-07:00

I see nothing. Still.

To love and to be loved

2009-05-20T01:04:00.000-07:00

This is crazy.

Just when I thought he has been "the one who got away".

It's all coming back to me now.

He's the answer to my question. He has always been.

BUT I have obligations; sister (who has been the greatest influential person in my life) encourages me to settle down or at least date a foreigner (non-Malaysian to be precise)---this has been planted in my system since forever and I breathe everyday with that strong thought and desire. Best friend on the other hand, just hates him---just because of what he has done to me in the past.

The past; which I have successfully erased that part of him from my memories.

Now that he's back in my life---I don't want anything else but him.

Me wanting him---that's just against every thing in my system. Now and then.

Sigh. Obligations.

I've been taking my baby steps towards getting a non-Malaysian boyfriend and I was almost there. Almost. (I'm officially superficial at this line).

Until he decided to pop back into my life again. Unannounced. And the feelings are still the same. Amazing.

Is this love?

I don't know.

If it is, then why does it choose to appear at the very wrong time? Why did he even choose to come back into my life again at this time after all the years of being fully disconnected from each other?

Letting things to go with the flow is an option BUT there's also a saying that goes like; what flows in easily will flow out easily too---sigh.

I think too much. I'm too careful.

I just want to love and to be loved already.

Narsh.

Sunday blues

2009-04-25T23:58:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday--and so thought I could sleep in more than I had yesterday, but somehow I was woken up by this loud cheers came from outside my apartment. Took a glance from my bedroom window and the cheers came from this primary school just behind the apartment--the kids were having their Sports Day...aaaaawww how cute, I thought. Well I was never really an athletic person (I was active in school but I mainly did sports games and nothing solo), but I was always into this kinda school events--always had something to do for the Sports Day--be it in the marching team, the pom-pom team, or even in the Red Cross on duty--I was always there. So when I saw these kids were cheering for their teams, I felt somewhat like I'm a kid again--a small girl who was carefree--a small girl who jumped and skipped around in the school field worry-free. Sigh. I miss those state of mind.

Yea I am still demotivated at this moment.

...
..
.

Someone please kick my back (no, not in that way)--just wake me up already!

The need for a change is back in town again

2009-04-23T23:26:00.000-07:00

I'm officially at the brink of leaving my job again. I love my job--undoubtedly. I love the people that I'm working with but I guess that no longer inspire me. I want more. Urgh. I hate this phase--although I knew somehow that I will get here some day since this is not the first time I'm having the urge to move on--it's somewhat seasonal. My drive for a change is driving me nuts. I can't imagine how is the place which I used to call my second home before has becoming more and more mundane to me? Trust me, I've done all I could to spice things up again but it somehow just couldn't work anymore. Sigh. I don't know.

Can I just move on already?

My life is like a circus and I am the juggler

2009-04-12T10:04:00.000-07:00

Life around me has been like a busy circus-work's getting unusually demotivating, issues at the home front, house mate is moving out, old flame's asking for another shot but I'm crazy about someone who's thousand miles away although we've only met twice...sigh. I'm overwhelmed. Sometimes I wonder where do I get the strength to carry on from. Perhaps it's true what most people say today-we're getting desperate during this economic downturn. Nothing we do today seems right. Everything will or eventually lead to a disaster-well maybe disaster is a strong word-perhaps conflict is more appropriate. I don't know. I hate confrontation, I don't want to choose, I don't want to decide-I'm just wishing for everything to turn out well (although somehow in the midst of all this drama, that wish is just so beyond reach).

Oh well. Keep me sane already.

23rd Psalm

2009-03-11T06:47:00.000-07:00

1. The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
2. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still
waters.
3. He restoreth my soul; He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His
name's sake.
4. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no
evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
5. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou
anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will
dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Words of comfort especially dedicated to my friend and his family for the loss of their beloved mom, wife, sister and granny on March 11, 2009.

May her soul rest in peace.

Numb

2009-03-10T06:22:00.000-07:00

Half of my day went well today until I saw a text from a good friend of mine. His mom (who has been sick on and off as of late), just got admitted in the hospital again today. If months ago it was because of her eyes, today, she had a sudden seizure, of which she was only suppose to go for a normal check up. She woke up without recognizing my friend-her own son. Sigh. I got numb for a moment after reading the text. I don't think I would know what to do if I were to be in my friend's shoes. I called up my dad straight away and just kept quiet after saying "hello". Something is up, my dad must thought. He started a conversation immediately. He knew. He cracked a joke and made me laugh, naturally. And so I told him what had happened. His tone changed. I heard the voices of my nephews of 9 and 11 and niece of 5 years old at the background. Their voices somehow diverted the mood of our conversation. And this time, I tried to change the topic by asking how everyone is doing back home. "They're all fine" my dad said. Awkward silence. My dad asked about my friend's mom again. And so we talked it through. "There's nothing we can do. Just be strong for your friend," my dad said. With that, I wanted so much to be home now. To be with my family. To feel secure. But my dad was right. I have to be strong. Not just for my friend. But for myself too. Sooner or later, we will lose the people that we love regardless. Nothing stays permanently on earth. Until the time comes, we just have to be prepared. Anticipate for the worst to happen-so the pain will be easier to endure.

I'm aware of this.

Very much.

But for now, I just want to stay numb.

*All my prayers to my friend's mom and family*

New me, same story...slightly different episode

2009-03-08T05:05:00.000-07:00

I cut my hair short again. Shorter actually. Okay like very short. What drove me? I don't know. I just feel like doing it. I guess this is one of the beauty parts about being single-I do things for myself. Come to think of it, I do everything for myself now. From how I work my ass off just to make sure I get my pay by end of the month (so I can reward myself decently) to the things that I enjoy doing over the weekend (staying in and DVD marathon alone at home are one of those), I decide. The thrill of doing things for myself actually makes me feel good. It makes me feel somewhat functional. Have I never felt this good about myself when I was seeing someone before? Or have I becoming one of those women in their late twenties who opposed relationship (and marriage) incessantly? I don't know. I admit, I do feel lonely at times. Empty, more like it. But I have somehow learn to counter those feelings. And yea, I'm comfortable with the emptiness. I know at this point, I should be scared with my resistance of relationship, but I'm not. Funny. I used to be very sure about relationship. I still am actually-seeing my parents who have been with each other for almost four decades and are still together 'til today. But I guess I'm just safeguarding my feelings. Fell in love as equally the same amount of time I was being heartbroken just doesn't help the situation for the better. It's exhausting.

Perhaps I'm meant to be single. Or perhaps I have not found the right one for me. "The right one", does he even exist? Will this episode in my life ever ends?

Perhaps.

Lent

2009-03-03T06:35:00.000-08:00

After so many years, I have finally decided to surrender myself to God again. Saying this, it did not mean that I was not a believer before. I do have faith-it’s only that I had never really connect myself to God-and to the others who praised Him. Because I could not forgive myself for being sinful, I was holding back for many years to profess my faith. Mom was doing the right thing when she dragged me to the penitential service back home last Christmas. It was then I realized how forgiving He is. And so I felt welcomed to His house again. As a result to this, I know that the relationship between Him and I does not only take place on Christmas. So this year, I resolute or at least try to pursue what the other disciples usually do-being sincere to Him, regardless. Hence, I am now committing to the meaning of Lent. Lent is the time for abstinence and repentance. For most, fasting is one way to show abstinence. Now I know I have just reclaimed my faith in Him, however, I do believe that Lent is more than just being humble and modest. Lent is the time for one to pause-to relax. Today, temptations to power, lust and money are happening everywhere. It is, undoubtedly, a human nature to have desires but somehow most desires are devilish which will or most of the time leads to disastrous endings. I must admit that human everywhere is corrupted. And by copycatting one another will not result to any good to anyone. That is why the need to pause is necessary. And to me, Lent is the best time to relook at the ways we have lead our lives-to reanalyze, to cut down any excessive doings and spending and of course, to overcome temptations. And it is also somehow or rather a good time to have a check on our daily diet (it’s time to chuck that at-least-twice-a-week-(or more)-visits-to-uncle-Ronald’s-outlet habit). Most importantly, Lent conveys hope-the hope to be a better person.

And yes, that’s how I look at Lent.

“How do we know whether we can defy temptations? We need to be. We need to go to the places where our faith is always challenged. See if we can conquer our desires. If we disregard them, now that’s when we know we have passed the trials.” - excerpted (not in verbatim) from the sermon during the last Holy mass in St. Ignatius Church.

Last Sunday

2009-03-02T18:40:00.000-08:00

Another weekend has just gone by. On Sunday, I decided to take a short nap in the afternoon. But somehow I couldn’t sleep-hence; I tried to kill the time with Paulo Coelho (my latest inspiration). It was raining outside and I thought a nice weather like this would be wasted if it does not accompanied by a nice nap. And so I tried to sleep again…and again. My eyes were shut but my mind was wandering. All sorts of things came to my mind; work, my family back home, the need for me to go for a holiday-and they just wouldn’t stop. My mind skipped from one subject to another. It was indeed tiring. When I opened my eyes, the rain almost stops and the daylight has subsided. It was already dark-the living hall where I was in felt so cold all of the sudden. There I was, alone. It has been like this since, if I can recall clearly, for the past two to three weeks. This, I must admit, is my own choice-to be alone. Had two “so-called” intimate relationships in the past few months with two guys consecutively, and they both ended up with the same reason-ego. In summary, one guy could not take the fact that I raised my voice on him (of which until today I think he deserved my tantrum) and the other one was trying to transform me into a different person (not for the better or for the worst-but just different). I can’t deal with both. How far does a person need to compromise in a relationship before he or she turns into someone not him/herself? And so I moved on. I can’t help but to be amazed with how men could also react in such ways over things that involves emotions. Perhaps I’m so used of being with men who responded otherwise when it comes to feelings. Or have men becoming desperate and more demanding when it comes to finding the right one too? Perhaps.

Fyi, ego mentioned earlier is mine-not theirs.

Blog: The evolution of MIRC - No?

2008-08-12T02:45:00.000-07:00

Sigh. Finally.

I've been wanting to blog since like 1001 years ago. Quoted from my BFF Jon, "Cha, I think I could actually count the number of posts by using my fingers in your blog,". Yea, I know, I'm not quite a blogger and no, I don't belong to any of the bloggers groups which are mushrooming like every where today.

So why do people blog?
So to be able to express themselves? Or maybe to share interests with others?
Or is it just really a replacement to the good old "diary" which every good girl must have?
Or maybe it is just a venue to talk about topics or issues which oneself thinks it is interesting hence worth sharing it with others? I'm just curious. (I hope I won't get banned from the blogging world after this para).

Some good friends of mine came down from KK last weekend. Despite my crazy schedule, I actually managed to spend the whole weekend with them (which I'm glad I did). They are avid bloggers. Period. So most of our conversations were all inter-related to their "blogging community" (need to check if such term exists). From sharing all the names of the bloggers to the updates on the gathering that they just had back home, it's overwhelming. What really strike my fancy was when they told me about this local blogger, a girl, probably 16 or 18 who wrote a topic on "How to be a Eurasian" - summary: she was saying Eurasians are all that (Okay, I have nothing against Eurasians, in fact, my sister is married to an Italian and has a daughter who is technically a Eurasian). But seriously, what had happened to our generation today? Aren't we proud of who we are and where we came from? (Obviously not). Funny. Admiration is harmless. But to praise highly on other races like they are any different from the other human race and uh, oh, to preach others on how to becoming like one? That's TOO much. Unbelievable.

Okay, okay, I guess it's unethical for me to write about other blogger's blog in my blog (phew! notice how many times the word "blog" used in the sentence?). I think we have becoming TOO disconnected in this oh-so connected world. Guess we've been fed with too much knowledge (whether it's good or bad, regardless) and as human as we are, we tend to accept everything without even filtering them with our conscious mind.

I suppose blogging really IS interesting. It's not only serves as a space to share our interests but simultaneously, it also reflects on how the generation today think and what is important to them. Sigh. How sad. How did we get into this mess anyway? Scary. Yea, being in the industry that I'm in now, I probably know the answer to that question. But I guess I've decided to be in denial. At least for now. God bless our generation.

Oh well.

The real deal...
Living in KL, the choices of places to eat are just so amazing. I actually took some pictures of the meals that I had and decided to upload them on this post - although it has nothing to do with the first few para of my ramblings. Enjoy! :)

If you ask me why I blog, well I take it that blog is a replacement to the good old diary - and I am a good girl :)

Paddington House of Pancakes...yummy!

Sighness...

Courtesy of Bubba Gump...OMG! Cannot tahan leh!

Non other than 'em famous meatballs @Ikea...

Bianco...just below my apartment! Noice!

The famous roast duck by Four Seasons @ CapSquare

Moving on - Easier said than done - No?

2008-06-07T00:52:00.000-07:00

Woke up today with a crave of cheesy nachos. Weird, I know. Well it's just so natural of me to think of food the first thing when I wake up from my sleep. It's Saturday. I was woken up by the sound of incoming text msg on my cell. Twas 6am. Yes, 6am! Then I realized it's Saturday. Dangs! I actually didn't go out for party last nite. Weird? Not really. It's just one of those days when I feel like staying at home and shutting the world down around me. So after checking the text msg (from someone that I least expected to text me at that hour), I saw a missed call notification too. Twas my ex. Hmm...the norm. He must be out drinking last nite and had a drunk-dial on me again. It's been like that for the past 2 months or so. It's either him or I to drunk-dial each other every weekend. Okay THAT's weird. We were supposed to be helping each other to move on but that's not quite what we're doing right now. Damn. Oh well. "Let's just go with the flow" the last time we spoke. But when he found out I didn't go home on one weekend, he started to be distant (in my language, he started to be himself again -- annoying). I did ask him if everything's okay but he acted cool -- like he's cool for not knowing my whereabout for one day (see? annoying). Hmmm that's when I realized whether the flow that we are going with is worth going with at all.

Oh well. Maybe I should be moving on. Like really MOVE ON (no more mentioning about him whenever my girlfriends start to talk about their other halves. Pathetic.). I can't be hanging on on something (or someone) that's not quite sure what he wants to do with the relationship or be it me. Sigh. This is too much. It's funny how feelings can play with our mind. At one point I thought my ex was the only man that i would live my life or to die for. Yea I know, I'm such a hopeless lover. I wanted so much to believe that I could see myself in the next 10 years living in a house near the beach with him. But that image, that vision of the future just doesn't feel right everytime I tried to picture them. Omg. Is this really the sign? The sign of me moving on? I'm scared but at the same time I'm proud of myself too. Scared because I finally manage to detach myself from him and that thought of not having him in my life at all is just so dark and cold - if you know what i mean. Proud because, I've finally thought my sense out of it --that i no longer in a relationship with him so why linger. Life and its wonders. You lose some, you win some. I suppose.

Sigh. Life's like that. It's sh*tty, but i have to be strong (got that from a good friend a long time ago and I still take it as a good word of advice).

It's Saturday, what am I doing here.

Echa and her i-need-life-syndrome

2008-05-15T08:04:00.000-07:00

I'm bored. I should be out right now, dunno where to, but I shouldn't be at home, alone. But there's something inside of me keeps on telling me not to be out, something like, i should be with myself...for now. I think i should have been spending more time thinking about what i should do with my life next rather than just letting things go with the flow. I left KK, good choice. But i have to live my life without my family around, not good. I thought I could be happier here because i thought i'd be closer to my boyfriend, wrong. And now that we broke up, i'm losing hope in love, biggest mistake. Damn. I hate this phase. You know when they say life is like a wheel, it has its own ups and downs. I think i'm at its downside now and it just keep going on and on relentlessly. Nothing good has happen in my life this year, so far. It's scary. I just dunno for how long i can stand with all these. I'm just scared i'm gonna snap and change my direction in life again. Well, i'm not surprised if i suddenly decide to pack my bag and just go back to my hometown. The place where real humans still exist.

I think I think too much.

KL + Me = Miss KK more

2008-04-25T23:22:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday, and I am sleepy. Had a long nite (again!) last nite, well i can't help it, twas Friday! Yea, went to Baroque Club for my colleague's birthday. I thought the place plays good music (although we were the only party crowd in that club), but yea, we had fun. As usual. From Baroque, we hopped to another club, then another club, then another club. Endless Friday nite --just how normal can our Friday nite be.

I can't help it but to realize somehow KL has changed me. From the laid-back lifestyle that i used to have back in KK to somewhat very "on-the-go" kinda lifestyle. Urgh. Yea i know it's a little too late for me to be aware of all these and to only ramble about this since i have been staying here for almost two years now. But KL never stop to amaze me . It's fascinating to see how the people in my age here are very competitive ( i mean like very), energetic, how they always have something brilliant (although some may be crappy...u can't run from it) to say...it's intoxicating. I must say i never fail to meet interesting people on every single weekend and just to find out what they do for living and how they keep up with the lifestyle -- it's crazy. I went to a new club's opening somewhere in the city like 2 weeks ago and met this writer for one of the most popular indie music and happenings mags in KL-- he was at that club to party but at the same time, he was actually doing his job -- just to get the latest scoop on new place to party in town and he was actually rushing to another event after that for another *Lapsap get-together. I went like, wow, where did you get all the energy from dude? Well, that's just one example i could recall, at least the most recent one. It's frantic. I began to realize how my fellow friends in KK are so lucky for not have to think about all these crazy active lifestyle frenzy and never have to worry about the chances of getting high blood pressure in younger age. Unfortunately, people died in the early 30's because of heart attack is not a rare thing in this place. And all we can say here is "oh mahn, that's scary". But yea, the work-like-there's-no-tomorrow attitude remains.

Okay, i admit, i don't like KL. But why do i choose to be here? I dunno. It's the impulsive package that the place is offering i suppose. It makes me feel more like human. The fact that genuine relationship doesn't exist in this place anymore -- it makes me want to be myself more and more. And how the people can be extremely rude on the road, makes me appreciate the drive-like-it's-Sunday style in KK more. The place may have changed a tiny-weeny little bit of me, but i know i still have the kampung side of me. At least, i utilize the left-right signal function fully when i drive. I don't cut queue. I respect the elders. I still can smile to strangers. I wear shorts (or baju rumah and yea, with no make-up on) to mamak. I make friends with the waiters at the coffeeshop that i always go to (they really need that). I make friends with the people from the car wash that i always send my car to (yea, they too, need that). I let others say what they want to say first before i can speak my opinions out. And most importantly, i don't try to be someone else when i meet new people -- if i don't know what they are talking about, i'll just keep quite. Sigh. Not too bad rite.

I miss KK.

Bah, bulih bah kalo ko.

*www.myspace.com/wearelapsap

S-E-X

2008-03-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

I'm still trying so hard to understand how men can be such ignorant creatures sometimes. I can say i'm quite experienced when it comes to men and the sex department but what i don't understand is why men make love sooo complicated? If you like the person, say so and if you start acting funny every time that girl is around, simple, that means you have feelings for her. Why must let your ego control you? Wouldn't it be nice if you can just stop the chasing or wandering or looking or fooling around and just be with the one which your heart is telling you to be with? I mean, don't you have enough already? I just don't get it. Maybe this is why we've been hearing stories about women who lives in this city have become more and more demanding when it comes to relationship and men and sadly yea, we sleep around until we meet the real men. But the question is when will that ever happen?

I have been observing. I've been to a lot of parties -- I met a lot of men, all type of men from different walks of life. But it's funny how they all act the same, use the same lines in every conversation and they only want one thing -- sex. And sadly, the ladies are slowly developing those kinda mentality too. Whatever happen to conversation with quality? Whatever happen to pride and dignity? Whatever happen to the word love? It's madness. Once upon a time, man would look for his woman, and when he found her he would fall in love with her, they get married, and lived happily ever after. Now the saga sounds typically more like this; men look for women (in clubs...any women), fall so-called in love for one nite, they kiss goodbye the next day...and yea, it's just another weekend. Scary. The sad part is, most of my peers are are falling into this sect. From a taboo, it has become more like a habit now. Love is so cheap today until you can expect to get it from any random ones over the weekends.

I'm just concerned. It's not that i have anything on pre-marital sex, but i'm just worried and i can't stop to wonder what will ever happen to the marriage institution in the future.

What will happen if "family", "mom & dad", "siblings" or even "HOME" are no longer familiar words to the next generation?

Sigh. Unthinkable.

My healthy Friday - Cupcakes and Tribond

2008-02-29T23:13:00.001-08:00

Pretty much healthy i can say.

After two freaking hectic weeks at work, my workmates and I decided to celebrate Friday by doing something healthy or at least i thought it was healthy. We went to this shop called Wondermilk Shop and Cafe in Uptown. Well, they had something going on last nite and they were giving away free cute cupcakes too! I guess that's what triggered us to go at the first place. But we got to the place pretty late and they ran out of the free cupcakes. Bummer! So in order to satisfy our long-for-cute-cupcakes-tongues, we bought two boxes of damn those cupcakes. Yay! They're so cute and yea, they're edible. I can't post the pics here since they're still in my cousin's handphone. But here's the link to the oh-so-popular cupcakes by Wondermilk shop and cafe...

http://cuppacakes.blogspot.com/

Simply irresistible! ;)

After indulging ourselves with the yummy cupcakes, we decided to hang out at Friendster cafe for late nite dinner (well, actually it's more like a late nite dinner for my colleague and her fiance). I was there for the beers - ah ha! Not so healthy after all! Anyways, the fun began when the Tribond game started! Here's how you play the game:

Here's a Threezer riddle for you: tennis match, sinner, earthquake. What do these three things have in common? All of them have faults! Correctly identifying the common trait among the three clues is truly tricky business! Movements around the board are intricate, as you control three pawns and are traveling on a triangle, so the journey to the final space is more challenging than most. For 2 or more players.

http://www.boardgamecentral.com/games/tribond.html

The verdict: My group won! Yay! Although my part was mostly to move the pawns (or "buah" as i would call it) on the board ;D

Friendster Cafe -- just around the corner.
http://www.friendstercoffee.com/blog/

TriBond! The green "buah" were ours.

Let the game begins...

The first contender: Adry and the fiance

The second contender: My cousin and Ash

The last contender: Myself, Danie and Eu-Jin

Check out whos "buah" was leading...muaahahahaha!

...And so we won! Yay! Eu-Jin answered all the Qs, Danie took all the pics, and i moved the "buah".

Good sh*t.