Saturday, June 7, 2008

Moving on - Easier said than done - No?

Woke up today with a crave of cheesy nachos. Weird, I know. Well it's just so natural of me to think of food the first thing when I wake up from my sleep. It's Saturday. I was woken up by the sound of incoming text msg on my cell. Twas 6am. Yes, 6am! Then I realized it's Saturday. Dangs! I actually didn't go out for party last nite. Weird? Not really. It's just one of those days when I feel like staying at home and shutting the world down around me. So after checking the text msg (from someone that I least expected to text me at that hour), I saw a missed call notification too. Twas my ex. Hmm...the norm. He must be out drinking last nite and had a drunk-dial on me again. It's been like that for the past 2 months or so. It's either him or I to drunk-dial each other every weekend. Okay THAT's weird. We were supposed to be helping each other to move on but that's not quite what we're doing right now. Damn. Oh well. "Let's just go with the flow" the last time we spoke. But when he found out I didn't go home on one weekend, he started to be distant (in my language, he started to be himself again -- annoying). I did ask him if everything's okay but he acted cool -- like he's cool for not knowing my whereabout for one day (see? annoying). Hmmm that's when I realized whether the flow that we are going with is worth going with at all.

Oh well. Maybe I should be moving on. Like really MOVE ON (no more mentioning about him whenever my girlfriends start to talk about their other halves. Pathetic.). I can't be hanging on on something (or someone) that's not quite sure what he wants to do with the relationship or be it me. Sigh. This is too much. It's funny how feelings can play with our mind. At one point I thought my ex was the only man that i would live my life or to die for. Yea I know, I'm such a hopeless lover. I wanted so much to believe that I could see myself in the next 10 years living in a house near the beach with him. But that image, that vision of the future just doesn't feel right everytime I tried to picture them. Omg. Is this really the sign? The sign of me moving on? I'm scared but at the same time I'm proud of myself too. Scared because I finally manage to detach myself from him and that thought of not having him in my life at all is just so dark and cold - if you know what i mean. Proud because, I've finally thought my sense out of it --that i no longer in a relationship with him so why linger. Life and its wonders. You lose some, you win some. I suppose.

Sigh. Life's like that. It's sh*tty, but i have to be strong (got that from a good friend a long time ago and I still take it as a good word of advice).

It's Saturday, what am I doing here.


Jacquelyn said...

Oioi! Hugs n muaks muaks muaks! U hold on there geng

They call me Echa said...

Joooonnnn!!! How are u??? Missing u loads and loads liao! Sobs!

Ami3 S10 said...

hugs!!!! eh fri night u felt like shutting the world? Hmmm... iye ke?? Lol! oklah oklahhh... :) well, i guess we didnt get to meet up afterall..guess I'll see ya in Oct then eh wait.. RWMF? hehe!
Anyways, big hugs to ya and stay strong as you have always been! ;) muaks muaks muaks from me too!

((Me, Jiki, Echa - GROUP HUGGGG!!!!!))

ps: jiki!! Ko ada blog kah nie??! hehehhehe!