Friday, September 18, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
So love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't just because you can.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
God never said life would be easy.
He just promised it would be worth it.
Got this from a colleague of mine yesterday and I'm loving it ;)
And yea, life is not that bad after all.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
That aside, after all the drama with the relationship-that-was-not-meant-to-be, I'm starting to move on now. Slowly, but surely. And I'm very sure that he's doing fine too. Well at least, that's what it shows on his Fb profile. "There was a third party involved in your previous relationship. But don't worry, it's all over now. Really over," according to the tarrot card reader few days ago when she read about my love life.
And I believe her.
Oh well. Life goes on.
Okay I really need to start exercising soon before I turn into a couchy potato.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
This particular entry is about him. Yea him---the one I thought who got away. It was like three years ago, no hang on, I think it was exactly on Nov 28, in 2005 that I made an entry on my blog about how I've moved on from him. And today, I am doing it again. Yea I'm not proud of myself. Because it shows how I've repeated the same mistake over and over again. And the worse part of it is, I did not learn a thing from what happened in the past. Hence, the repetition. Why didn't I? I dunno. So yea, here I am today. Regret? Yea a little bit. Angry? Hell yea. At myself mostly. I'm angry because I was the third person in the relationship again. And I pity his girlfriend (and his ex-girlfriend back in three years ago). And I believe in Karma---somehow or rather. Oh well.
What's done is done. It can't be mended. Regardless. We had something going on. But that's about it. Ego took place in everything. It's just a relationship that's never meant to be. We always, always, met at the wrong side of the stick. So yea. Leave it be.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
1. MJ died :'(
2. Spent my last Friday night with Mr. I and he's now back to his work and alot of travelling again (yea like alot). To date, I still don't know where we stand.
3. I'm over that someone. Like really over him. I mean why would I be bothered to cling to someone who's attached (who's stuck in a LDR to be specific) and simultaneously (and consistently) treated me like his emotional cushion? So yea, I'm over it. Go nurse your I-just-want-to-be-comforted-when-my-girlfriend-is-not-around-sad-ass somewhere else.
4. I'm back to my just-me state. Alone, but I'm somewhat relieved.
5. Made friend with my ex again (in KK, of all places). Crossing my fingers tightly so I'd get my iPhones soon *winks*
6. I'm working on a music project with a good girlfriend of mine. July 31. Can't wait ;)
7. It's going to be my last month with Crush.
8. And I'm working on my last assignment here *mixedfeelings*
9. I can't wait for Mr. A to come to KL in July.
10. Actually, both Mr. I and Mr. A are coming down to KL in July *gasps*
Yea, that's pretty much summed it all.
Me singing, ~~so, so what, I'm still a rockstar!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
And all of the above.
I'm sleepy. At work and sleepy. Yea, what's new. It's been like this since...three months ago? Can't recall. I still have one assignment to complete before I can really bid adios to this current agency that I'm attached with. Honestly, I can't wait to leave. But I'm not really the half-way type of person. I've already step my foot in the project from the beginning, and so I shall complete the course. Yea, I take commitments and responsibilities seriously. But that aside, I am desperately ready to leave---okay let's not even go there.
Hmmm I'm still sleepy.
And no, it has nothing to do with you---it's just me. Fickle.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
So yea, but I can only grunt and complain. It takes a whole lot more than just bitching to fix things around here. But yea, do they care? No.
It's annoying. Sad and annoying. Sigh.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
He compares me with his new girlfriend every second---"Clarissa will never do this, Clarissa has never done that, etc."
He has not moved on moved on after all.
He wants me to be happy.
He realized he was treating me wrong the last time.
And most of all, after being with someone else but not me, he realized no one could love him better than I do.
He sighs every second now.
He's definitely not happy.
He has changed.
He's not that jolliest person I've ever known before.
He's just so different now.
He thinks before he utter any word to me.
He thinks before he reacts to the things that I say.
He notices me.
He completes me---or maybe used to.
He's my ex-boyfriend---today.
And I'm overwhelmed.
*He: Someone whom I so thought I was going to say "I do" to. And so I thought.
C: What do you think would happen if we didn't break things up last year?
J: *Clears throat* We'll be married by now.
So what's this with men and their a-little-too-late act?
I am still overwhelmed.
Monday, June 8, 2009
So I got the job (just can't stop smiling from one ear to the other now). Let's see how the detailed offer would be. Will get back on this one---soonest.
Meanwhile, I'm in love. So what if we're not meant to be with each other---I'd still love him. And I'm not expecting anything out of it. I'm just loving this feeling---and am embracing it tightly.
He makes me feel like dancing. It's euphoric.
Guess the push-and-pull state is not a bad thing after all.
Friday, June 5, 2009
That was then.
Now, I'm just one of the furniture in the office---whether or not I'm an attractive one, that is not for me to judge (well do I sound like I care now?). I spend my work hours on the Net---making sure my Facebook profile is updated every minute, I Twit randomly every second and heck, I blog. These are the kinda things which I have refrained myself from doing when I was motivated at work. But that is no longer the case here.
I love my job. I still do. But nothing inspires me anymore. I see people left the agency---and perhaps most of them are those who used to drive me; inspired me. I thought I could pass on their passion to my juniors---or so I thought. I was a well-trained blind, who tried to lead the blinds without any proper (or professional) guidance. Sigh. Yea maybe I didn't try enough. But hey, I just don't see the point of trying anymore. I mean like, who cares about things around here? Bitching about own team mates are far more important and "exciting" things to do than doing something worthwhile---like actually, work.
Yea somehow the newbies have inculcated the "bitching" culture in the office. Everyone bitches here---the Finance peeps bitch about the Managers, the Managers bitch about the Executives, the Executives bitch about the Creative team, heck everyone bitches about the GM! Now, I'm not claiming that I'm a Saint---I do bitch. Like alot. But I don't bitch about my colleagues with the Clients. That's like a big NO-NO. But yea, it happens here. And the sucky part about it? Everyone seems to be okay with it. It's supposed to be part of the "PR" initiatives---And so they say. I majored in Public Relations before, and I've never learnt that bitching-about-your -colleagues-to-the-Clients will help in the growth of the agency. Or maybe it's just one of the subjects that you'd learn outside the classroom.
Or maybe you're not suppose to do that. Ethically.
Yea I'm helpless. I need a fresh environment. Like a good friend used to tell me "If you don't like where you are, move along. You're not a tree." Hence, that's exactly I'm going to do if not sooner, the soonest.
I can't stand spending most of my hours of the day with people who bitches 24/7.
I'm not inspired by the "talk-too-much-but-never-do-anything-about-things" management.
My somewhat comfort and happy zone has been violated.
I just want to leave already.
Hang on, I AM already leaving...
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Just when I thought he has been "the one who got away".
It's all coming back to me now.
He's the answer to my question. He has always been.
BUT I have obligations; sister (who has been the greatest influential person in my life) encourages me to settle down or at least date a foreigner (non-Malaysian to be precise)---this has been planted in my system since forever and I breathe everyday with that strong thought and desire. Best friend on the other hand, just hates him---just because of what he has done to me in the past.
The past; which I have successfully erased that part of him from my memories.
Now that he's back in my life---I don't want anything else but him.
Me wanting him---that's just against every thing in my system. Now and then.
I've been taking my baby steps towards getting a non-Malaysian boyfriend and I was almost there. Almost. (I'm officially superficial at this line).
Until he decided to pop back into my life again. Unannounced. And the feelings are still the same. Amazing.
Is this love?
I don't know.
If it is, then why does it choose to appear at the very wrong time? Why did he even choose to come back into my life again at this time after all the years of being fully disconnected from each other?
Letting things to go with the flow is an option BUT there's also a saying that goes like; what flows in easily will flow out easily too---sigh.
I think too much. I'm too careful.
I just want to love and to be loved already.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Yea I am still demotivated at this moment.
Someone please kick my back (no, not in that way)--just wake me up already!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Can I just move on already?
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Oh well. Keep me sane already.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
2. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still
3. He restoreth my soul; He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His
4. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no
evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
5. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou
anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will
dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Words of comfort especially dedicated to my friend and his family for the loss of their beloved mom, wife, sister and granny on March 11, 2009.
May her soul rest in peace.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I'm aware of this.
But for now, I just want to stay numb.
*All my prayers to my friend's mom and family*
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Perhaps I'm meant to be single. Or perhaps I have not found the right one for me. "The right one", does he even exist? Will this episode in my life ever ends?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
And yes, that’s how I look at Lent.
“How do we know whether we can defy temptations? We need to be. We need to go to the places where our faith is always challenged. See if we can conquer our desires. If we disregard them, now that’s when we know we have passed the trials.” - excerpted (not in verbatim) from the sermon during the last Holy mass in St. Ignatius Church.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Fyi, ego mentioned earlier is mine-not theirs.