Sunday, March 8, 2009

New me, same story...slightly different episode

I cut my hair short again. Shorter actually. Okay like very short. What drove me? I don't know. I just feel like doing it. I guess this is one of the beauty parts about being single-I do things for myself. Come to think of it, I do everything for myself now. From how I work my ass off just to make sure I get my pay by end of the month (so I can reward myself decently) to the things that I enjoy doing over the weekend (staying in and DVD marathon alone at home are one of those), I decide. The thrill of doing things for myself actually makes me feel good. It makes me feel somewhat functional. Have I never felt this good about myself when I was seeing someone before? Or have I becoming one of those women in their late twenties who opposed relationship (and marriage) incessantly? I don't know. I admit, I do feel lonely at times. Empty, more like it. But I have somehow learn to counter those feelings. And yea, I'm comfortable with the emptiness. I know at this point, I should be scared with my resistance of relationship, but I'm not. Funny. I used to be very sure about relationship. I still am actually-seeing my parents who have been with each other for almost four decades and are still together 'til today. But I guess I'm just safeguarding my feelings. Fell in love as equally the same amount of time I was being heartbroken just doesn't help the situation for the better. It's exhausting.

Perhaps I'm meant to be single. Or perhaps I have not found the right one for me. "The right one", does he even exist? Will this episode in my life ever ends?

Perhaps.

2 comments:

NanC said...

ya...lawa lah rambut baru tu... =D

They call me Echa said...

Thanks! ;) Am loving it too!