Last Sunday

Another weekend has just gone by. On Sunday, I decided to take a short nap in the afternoon. But somehow I couldn’t sleep-hence; I tried to kill the time with Paulo Coelho (my latest inspiration). It was raining outside and I thought a nice weather like this would be wasted if it does not accompanied by a nice nap. And so I tried to sleep again…and again. My eyes were shut but my mind was wandering. All sorts of things came to my mind; work, my family back home, the need for me to go for a holiday-and they just wouldn’t stop. My mind skipped from one subject to another. It was indeed tiring. When I opened my eyes, the rain almost stops and the daylight has subsided. It was already dark-the living hall where I was in felt so cold all of the sudden. There I was, alone. It has been like this since, if I can recall clearly, for the past two to three weeks. This, I must admit, is my own choice-to be alone. Had two “so-called” intimate relationships in the past few months with two guys consecutively, and they both ended up with the same reason-ego. In summary, one guy could not take the fact that I raised my voice on him (of which until today I think he deserved my tantrum) and the other one was trying to transform me into a different person (not for the better or for the worst-but just different). I can’t deal with both. How far does a person need to compromise in a relationship before he or she turns into someone not him/herself? And so I moved on. I can’t help but to be amazed with how men could also react in such ways over things that involves emotions. Perhaps I’m so used of being with men who responded otherwise when it comes to feelings. Or have men becoming desperate and more demanding when it comes to finding the right one too? Perhaps.

Fyi, ego mentioned earlier is mine-not theirs.